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Thoughts on the Ship-Swap
Well, this process definitely got me to write something I wouldn’t have written otherwise. I wasn’t set against the pairing or I wouldn’t have accepted the swap in the first place, but I probably never would have come up with this. I spent a lot of time discussing how to write these characters (mostly with Deborah, my swapper!) in a way that I don’t really with Kara/Lee because I already know how I write K/L. There have also been some good conversations about the process in general on Epics. In the end, I wrote Kara/Leoben in a very different way than anything I ever wrote for Kara/Lee--formatting, tone, all of it isn’t something I would think to do for Lee. I suppose what I’m saying is that Leoben as a character influenced the way I wrote him. Maybe my jokes this week about Leoben taking over my brain aren’t really jokes :)
Prayer was not at all what I set out to write, though in my initial notes there was actually a kernel of an idea about “five times Kara prays for Leoben” that I nixed because it wasn’t enough of a plot. I tried to write a piece with a plot instead, and did a draft, and may yet post it when I have time to make it work a little better. And the whole time, I guess, this was percolating in the back of my brain. Working on bsg kink bingo helped too, got me comfortable writing drabbles. (One of the creepier Leoben drabbles I typed start to finish and it was exactly 100 words. Gave me shivers myself!)
Writing for me has always been a way of exploring how I feel about characters or even about real life if that’s my topic. It’s sometimes easier for me to see my own perspective once I get it all out on paper. This story is like that to almost an eerie degree. In Leoben VIII, when he realizes the Kara in his visions was always reincarnated Kara--I didn’t know that until it was sitting on the screen in front of me. I’ve also found in rereading this piece how much their arcs are the same: Kara prays for strength and eventually gets it from Leoben; he prays for guidance and eventually gets it from her. It’s weird to have these things come out of your own brain and only realize it later. Really weird. I’m really happy with how it came out though--even before I reread it enough to understand how it all worked, I could feel it and was super excited as I finished the last lines of XX. I know there’s not a huge fanbase for this pairing, but people seem to like it, and that feels good, too.
Alright, enough rambling for now. Thoughts? Do you all find you’re writing in a different tone/format/style since you’re not using your usual pairing? How’s it going?
(ALSO apparently there’s a con going on 25 minutes from my house this weekend and Tricia Helfer is doing a session in a few hours. I’m trying to decide how awkward I’d feel going alone...or if it’s worth the money since I’m going to be unemployed after this week.)
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when he realizes the Kara in his visions was always reincarnated Kara
That was really very striking and interesting and new, and explains all sorts of things in a different kind of way.
I’ve also found in rereading this piece how much their arcs are the same:
I noticed that as well. You made them very similar all the way through. I wonder if that's partly something you bring from the Kara/Lee ship, love coming from a place of similarity and comeradeship. It worked very well.
I know there’s not a huge fanbase for this pairing
Yeah...I feel a little weird that 'The Return' is now the most popular BSG fic I've ever written even though I really don't think it's my best.
The thing about Kara/Leoben, it's not just not a popular ship, it's actually squicky and triggery for a lot of people. So I don't really blame people for not reading it, but it still can hurt when it's a brilliant story like yours.
I should do a post like this too, how 'The Return' is Kara/Lee as written by a Kara/Leoben, Lee/Laura shipper. But maybe not today. RL deadlines loom bitterly.
may yet post it
Please do! I really enjoyed what I read, and I think other people would too.
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I'd love to hear your thoughts!
it's actually squicky and triggery for a lot of people
I've actually worked them around to a place in my brain where I forget this, and forget that to a degree I used to think it, too. It was weird reading the entry on him on the bsg wiki the other day and realizing how much the show itself (or at least whoever wrote the entry) thinks of Leoben as a Bad Guy. Not that he's not weird and creepy, but the way I think of him here, at least, is as someone driven by forces no one else can understand.
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but the way I think of him here, at least, is as someone driven by forces no one else can understand.
And maybe this also comes from the ship-swap: a lot of people who ship Kara/Leoben get defensive about it, saying things like 'it's creepy and wrong and faily but'...I know I sometimes do this too, and I sort of struggle with it...but you had no ship-shame in your story at all, you were even willing to write them a straightforward and unapologetic happy ending. I really struggle with that, feeling all kinds of faily whenever I write them a happily ever after. I wonder if it was easier for you because it's not your ship? Or if because you're used to writing Kara/Lee you think of happy endings are more possible?
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As far as it not being my ship, I think I've been less aware than you probably of anti-Kara/Leoben sentiment, which may well have made me more willing to go for the happy ending.
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Yes - you really put Leoben through a powerful transformation there, that felt both true to what he had been and transformative enough that he's really in a different place after it. Also, I think a happy ending feels more plausible once she's an angel/goddess, as in your story.
And basically your story is awesome and I keep re-reading it and it fills me with squee.
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Yay!!!!! I think I've actually reread it myself more than almost anything I've posted :) For not being my usual ship/style, it kind of mesmerizes me that I wrote it!
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And, ok, while we're talking about it...what do you think happened between drabbles IX and X? Were they BFFs? Lovers? Or did they just do their own ways until X? Did things go AU in any way after IX or is it more a 'deleted scene'? And what do you think happened after drabble X, did she poof or decide to hang out for a while? Am I reading too much into the fertility imagery in drabble X to think that it implies that they had a child? I've been pondering these questions all weekend and making up various answers, but I'm curious what you think.
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The way this came out, I didn't have to actually write his dialogue as much, which worked because I'm still figuring it out, but he is an odd one for sure :)
As far as the story...I wrote this so quickly I didn't think too much about the length of time between IX and X. I imagine they would have stayed connected in some way, though. (As a usual K/L shipper, I'm okay with this mostly because there's less Kara/Lee in season 4 that at any other point during the show.)
In my mind, XX was their first time and then the poof didn't happen. In these circumstances I can see them having a child, but I wasn't really consciously going there--of course, as soon as you point it out, I can see it. With Kacey, I really do believe Kara wanted to be a mom for a minute. Maybe they did :)
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His voice came through very clearly (to me) in the drabbles from his POV and felt exactly right.
With Kacey, I really do believe Kara wanted to be a mom for a minute. Maybe they did :)
Makes sense. I think having a child at that point would be just about the biggest and most concrete expression of trust and hope that would be possible, which would completely fit with where you left them.
As a usual K/L shipper, I'm okay with this mostly because there's less Kara/Lee in season 4 that at any other point during the show.
And also she's an angel now, and in your story the angel is really a different person in a lot of ways (although still the same person in other ways). I'm thinking about a ficlet you wrote a while ago that implied that human!Kara was Lee's soulmate but not angel!Kara, and maybe that's relevant here too.
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It actually took me a minute to remember what you were talking about :) I still haven't decided for myself what I think Kara was in the show--I just choose one option for the length of a story so it's consistent. But you're right, those do sort of fit together.
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BTW - With the fic, I am a devoted Kara/Lee shipper, and am not a fan of Leoben as a character in the first place, so a Kara/Leoben fic is full of bad times for me. Both because of me not liking Kara with anyone but Lee and also with me feeling that a Leoben pairing would be kind of destructive. So for pairings that I don't like, I usually don't read them all all, even if it's a writer whose work I generally like, like you. Sorry :p
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The con was interesting, a little strange. I'll write more about it soon!
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2. I had a similar experience writing Cain/Gina once. I wrote the fic from Cain's perspective and the writing was very tight and controlled and precise. It was not directly intentional, but my muse decided that the voice inside her head would be very controlled - except when it wasn't - and playing off of that precision was really interesting. I agree that Leoben's voice would lend to some significant variations from Lee's. I can see how Leoben allows for a lot of mysticism and almost hero worship of Kara.
I love the challenge of writing new characters!
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I'm not sure the tone was all that different from my "light-hearted" tone (e.g., The Honeymooners) but it felt weird because these aren't characters I deal with much. I'm pleasantly surprised people have liked it. We will see how A/R goes.
BTW, I am trying to work up the nerve to read your story. I feel like I ought to be practicing small ship solidarity, but Kara/Leoben comes very close to triggery place for me. I'm sorry! :(
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Don't worry, I understand people feel weird about this ship. Just so you know what you're getting into, it's 20 drabbles, ten each from Kara and Leoben, about times they pray--some from childhood, some based on times we see them pray in the show. There's no graphic violence or torture or sex, but there is a reference to Kara's deleted-scene suicide attempt. If it's not your thing, that's cool too!
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re: ship swap story, mine has also turned out to be a big departure for me in terms of style and format. I usually tend to write straight forward, orderly, close 3rd person narratives, but my ship swap is a mix of close 3rd and omniscient (or maybe even meta, depending on how you read it) POV that jumps all over the place in time.
It's also the first time I've written Laura in depth and I really enjoyed that. Like you mentioned, it took me places I hadn't considered for her character until I was writing them. And Gaius is just plain fun to write.
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Your comment about POV is interesting--the other story I wrote was limited POV-Kara, which I'm used to from writing K/L, but somehow it wasn't nearly the same with Leoben.
And Gaius is just plain fun to write.
Oh, Gaius! He's more delightful to me since I've dabbled in writing him than he ever was in the show :)
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And Cavil/Ellen is absolutely icky, especially after the season 4 revelations. I really hope no one ships them :(